Sometimes I do miss home...

Why? I'll tell you why!

Israeli Snowman VS. Canadian Snowman

NO CONTEST

an Israeli winter...never again

Looks like I was tricked, or have a very strong misconception about Israel being a desert, or what a desert even is, or something. Anyway! Picture this... A West Coast winter of rain and gray skies meets prairie winds and dare I say? Snow. Yup. That's winter in Israel, so you can imagine how pissed I am. Okay, so it's not so bad, coming from the great white North but I really never thought it could be so awful. I was on house arrest for four days because the wind and rain would not give me a break, I went batshit crazy and was quite ornery until I could get my newly sugar and gluten enraged body to the gym again. While the weather is of course bearable (not minus 50, I remember those days!) the fact that the indoor temperature matches the outdoor temperature is not. No warm cars, no central heating, just cold floors, zero insulation, and a cold toilet seat! I am not forgetting to mention that I have to turn a boiler on for twenty minutes to have a warm shower, a boiler?! What year is this?! I haven't worn this many clothes to bed since camping in Northern Saskatchewan in a tent! And I will never do that again.
 
http://www.timesofisrael.com/main-jerusalem-tel-aviv-road-closes-then-reopens-as-snow-dusts-the-judean-hills/
 
http://www.haaretz.com/news/national/live-blog-biggest-winter-storm-in-decade-slams-israel-1.492825
 
I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

Israel Beer Festival

To celebrate the Big H's birthday we took our chances on the weather (that rant  will be coming next!) and headed to Nokia Stadium to indulge in the options of over 200 boutique beers from around Israel. I have to say the Israelis really know what they are doing when it comes to micro breweries, what a blast! We each tried ten beers and since I seemed to have the most approval on my choices I'd like to give credit to my favorites. I really should have been taking cards or my favorites as most information was in Hebrew but what I do recall is...
 
A Jack Daniels infused porter which is pressurized through coffee beans right before it hits the glass
 
An ass kicking IPA, boasting 8.9% and some serious chutzpah! The more you drank it the more you liked it!
 
Dizengoff this deep, double, amber coloured beer won me over big time. It had nice depth and a bit of a sweet taste lingering afterward.
 
Laughing Buddha B Stout - Ha mazing! Maybe it was Buddha, maybe it was rich slightly hoppy taste. Ooooom!
 
Now for the most exciting news of the night! As I have mentioned before MP and I have really got into Master Chef Israel. Last night at the beer festival we spotted two of them and I turned into a full fledge girl. I was all red and started giggling and by the end of the night the Big H made sure to stop them so I could get a picture. We were quite tipsy and I was quite embarrassed so the conversation was a little wacky but never the less I had my first photo with some Israeli celebs.

One Year Anniversary, Bitches!

It's January 4th 2013. I have officially been gone from Canada a year. Amazingly, I'm still on a beach in the sun, while the prairie people warm their cars in the morning and shovel snow. Take that winter!

What have I learned this past year? Too much to mention so I won't bore you with the spiritual crap. Mainly, that I'm still more fun after a couple of vodkas (especially when skyping with mom at 8:00a.m. *her time! Not that it matters*) I don't have to go home, ever, even if I made my point. I'm pretty and the universe will provide. Creepy men are EVERYWHERE, once again, I'm pretty and the universe will provide. Finally, I will indeed spend the rest of my life chasing whatever it is that I'm looking for. In which case I will forget to grow up. Good thing I'm pretty.

If I go back home for a visit and "it" is there, I'm going to be so pissed. Literally. When I go home I maintain a steady whiskey buzz so as not to upset my chakras.

Hells Pub - Finale

This episode is one I will never forget. Never mind the four most demoralizing months of my life where the verbal, mental, and emotional abuse continued without wear. This took such a toll on me I'm still recovering. Never in my life have I encountered a man with such little regard to the value of human life, or most minuscule respect for the energy of the universe. All I know is when he gets his, it won't be pretty.

It's Thursday night, second busiest of the week. Myself, Mika, Olla, and Neta are working. First off, we didn't need Neta. It was more of a pain to keep her there then it was let her go, not to mention she was hammered and the worst bartender/worker I had yet to experience. So while she was spilling drinks and I slowly watched the entire bar get completely intoxicated I decided to start slamming water (I know...) because I had a bad feeling about the night, you know it's going to be bad when I quit drinking to keep the sanity. Understatement of the year...

To shorten a painful memory... one of our regulars requested his bill, several shots later GR aka Scott asked him for the money and he told him he gave it to "one of the girls". Scott then starting screaming at each of us "did you take this mans money?!" *insert thick Chicago accent here. After we all said no, Olla went around the bar to try and calm the patron down as Scott continued to scream at him and pulled out the til tape  to prove the money hadn't been registered. Next thing I see, Scott takes one of those massive Octoberfest tempered glass mugs and cracks the guy over the head and proceeds around the bar with fists flying. Somehow in this madness, Olla was knocked out and we had to call the ambulance and try to revive her while the fight was dragged outside.

Scott comes back in, in a rampage screaming "clean my bar! I gotta get out before the cops show up!" showing no concern for Olla. Everyone is scrambling about trying to clean while he continues to scream and I've had enough. I told the girls to grab their coats and let's get out of this hole. He blocks the door "where do you think you're going?" I'm trembling at this point, I can't get the girls out, and he is still in a very violent state. I've seen some action in my time but I've never experienced such stress.

As the girls scramble about, making more of a mess then cleaning one, he starts interrogating Olla about the money (I felt like we were in a courtroom) and telling her it was her fault she got knocked out.  Few more unmentionable name calling later and he was finally ready to send us off out the front while he coyote uglied out the back to avoid the cops and we gave the keys to the hooker who was going to his house.

*come to think of it I should have been writing stories of all my shifts at the bar, but working there I wasn't in the best "shape" for days to follow.

Needless to say, that was the last straw for me. Even though I have no rights here, in fact I don't even exist, I couldn't handle anymore. Looks like I'm going crawling back for a spot on Real Housewives of Tel Aviv.

Happy New Year to everyone else

While new years eve here was a bust due to the singles sausage party that was shut down at 1:00 a.m. We attended, I did wake up as every 25 year old girl should in the morning of a New Year. Naked. Alone. On the ground. Eye level with a tipped over empty bottle of champagne, with clothes and condoms strewn about...resolution, Achieved!

A very Vegan Christmas

I have been abroad or even away from home during Christmas but never have I been to a place where there is no Christmas. Mom and dad, it was bad enough you lied about Santa being real, but delivering presents to ALL the boys and girls? I'm disappointed.

Anyway, it turned out to be quite fun. I got to Skype with both sides of the family and I must admit virtual Christmas is almost nicer because you can still take a Xanax and drink wine but when you are over it you push a button and it's done. I'm thinking a new tradition is in order.

I was lucky enough to be able to cook a vegan Christmas dinner for six, and everyone (including Itay, my hardest critic) enjoyed it. Here is the menu:

Cabbage Rolls - filled with lentils and vegetables
Perogies - potato and onion
Rice Pilaf - onion, celery, OJ, nutmeg, cinnamon, apples, pecans
Christmas salad - mixed greens, walnuts, pears, dried cranberries
Ginger Snap cookies
Chocolate raspberry cookies
Pecan Pie - which turned out awful but MP ate with a smile on his face.

On that note, it was quite the chaos in the kitchen trying to pull this off. At times it was stressful and I'd simply scream "I hate Christmas!" and take a heavy sip of my champagne, but when it was all over and everyone was eating with smiles on their faces it was well worth it. I wonder how my family has been doing this for ages, in suppose it gets easier. But I know one thing, those Melnyk boys better find some wives because the odds of me cooking for all of them are about as good as them eating my vegan cooking.