Sunday, September 30, 2012
Yom Kippur
This is the day of atonement for the Jewish people. One day a year Jews are judged for their actions by the Lord for the past year. On this day it is determined if you are weighed in the book of life or book of dead determined by your deeds for that year. You are not supposed to enjoy life on this day and fast and take time for 25 hours.
A whole lot is to be said about the Holiest day of the year from an outsiders perspective.
First off, I went to the grocery the day before Yom Kippur to grab a couple things so I could aid in MP filling his belly before his 25 hour fast started. What a mess. Seriously people, I'd like you all to take a second, consider your actions and look at yourselves. You are acting like a freaking apocalypse is coming! Carts are filled with insane amounts of groceries (you CAN NOT eat that many eggs), you have forgotten your manners (although I feel that's more often than not) and you are supposed to be fasting. What in the H E double hockey sticks is going on here?! P.s. It's only a day, chill the eff out...
What's that? The hummus spots are closed tomorrow? AAAHhHhHhHh!!!!
Ok, I'm fine. Now it turned out to be quite the lovely day. No crazy traffic outside, unless you count the army of ill skilled children on bicycles screaming at all hours of the day, and a general calm rested in the big city. I know what you are wondering, how did BB spend Yom Kippur?
I slept for the better part of it. Somehow MP and I crashed out around seven at night, just two hours after the event started, and I didn't crawl out of my Thai bed until around nineish the next morning. I took what I thought was going to be a calm stroll in the middle of the street to the boardwalk where I immediately regretted leaving the safety of the time out lounge. Bicycle accidents galore! I know what you are thinking, get to the goods BB.
You got it!
How BB spent Yom Kippur.
I'm the type of person who likes to do the exact opposite of what I am supposed to do in any occasion. Not because I'm ignorant...ok it is because I'm ignorant. But it's also because I like to push the envelope and if I can't entertain myself who else will?
So I took off my pants, blasted some high energy dance tunes and danced around smiling thinking about how ahead of the "remember when"* and "gotcha!"* game I am. I also sat on the balcony smoking the hookah, drinking red wine, and eating humus straight out of the container while devilishly nodding at onlookers below like 'that's right, never gonna get this!' mission accomplished. Did I mention we live next to a synagogue? Mwaaahahahaha...
Just have to add that the second Yom Kippur was over, fast and the furious 7 hit the streets. I know you bitches were just sitting with your keys in the ignition for the last five minutes dying to get some pizza.
*remember when is a game only to be played with people you are so close to, that they can handle what a complete ass you are being. For example when my childhood dog passed away and I was a wreck and in tears Coco waited until I was off the phone, looked at me solemnly and said "hey Britt, remember when your dog died?"
*Gotcha! Is relatively the same but it's when you get someone worked up about something that isn't true and right when they are at their breaking point you scream "gotcha!" example: before I set out to see Coco in Indonesia I sent him a e-mail stating that me and a certain tall, tattooed, shitty individual and I had got back together and he was coming with me. The following e-mail was the gotcha! Now it's far more effective in person but sometimes you have to work with what you got.
If you are having a bad day, ruin someone else's, that way you get a little high out of the deal.
A mesage from MP on Yom Kippur:
A whole lot is to be said about the Holiest day of the year from an outsiders perspective.
First off, I went to the grocery the day before Yom Kippur to grab a couple things so I could aid in MP filling his belly before his 25 hour fast started. What a mess. Seriously people, I'd like you all to take a second, consider your actions and look at yourselves. You are acting like a freaking apocalypse is coming! Carts are filled with insane amounts of groceries (you CAN NOT eat that many eggs), you have forgotten your manners (although I feel that's more often than not) and you are supposed to be fasting. What in the H E double hockey sticks is going on here?! P.s. It's only a day, chill the eff out...
What's that? The hummus spots are closed tomorrow? AAAHhHhHhHh!!!!
Ok, I'm fine. Now it turned out to be quite the lovely day. No crazy traffic outside, unless you count the army of ill skilled children on bicycles screaming at all hours of the day, and a general calm rested in the big city. I know what you are wondering, how did BB spend Yom Kippur?
I slept for the better part of it. Somehow MP and I crashed out around seven at night, just two hours after the event started, and I didn't crawl out of my Thai bed until around nineish the next morning. I took what I thought was going to be a calm stroll in the middle of the street to the boardwalk where I immediately regretted leaving the safety of the time out lounge. Bicycle accidents galore! I know what you are thinking, get to the goods BB.
You got it!
How BB spent Yom Kippur.
I'm the type of person who likes to do the exact opposite of what I am supposed to do in any occasion. Not because I'm ignorant...ok it is because I'm ignorant. But it's also because I like to push the envelope and if I can't entertain myself who else will?
So I took off my pants, blasted some high energy dance tunes and danced around smiling thinking about how ahead of the "remember when"* and "gotcha!"* game I am. I also sat on the balcony smoking the hookah, drinking red wine, and eating humus straight out of the container while devilishly nodding at onlookers below like 'that's right, never gonna get this!' mission accomplished. Did I mention we live next to a synagogue? Mwaaahahahaha...
Just have to add that the second Yom Kippur was over, fast and the furious 7 hit the streets. I know you bitches were just sitting with your keys in the ignition for the last five minutes dying to get some pizza.
*remember when is a game only to be played with people you are so close to, that they can handle what a complete ass you are being. For example when my childhood dog passed away and I was a wreck and in tears Coco waited until I was off the phone, looked at me solemnly and said "hey Britt, remember when your dog died?"
*Gotcha! Is relatively the same but it's when you get someone worked up about something that isn't true and right when they are at their breaking point you scream "gotcha!" example: before I set out to see Coco in Indonesia I sent him a e-mail stating that me and a certain tall, tattooed, shitty individual and I had got back together and he was coming with me. The following e-mail was the gotcha! Now it's far more effective in person but sometimes you have to work with what you got.
If you are having a bad day, ruin someone else's, that way you get a little high out of the deal.
A mesage from MP on Yom Kippur:
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
HELLS PUB
Well BB, it's time to get a job, you wanderlust hippie. Luckily for me I figured out the key to a successful retirement is to do it while you are still young and gorgeous. Yes, you can get by on looks, thanks mom and dad. I consider myself semi-retired, let's get that straight first. But I do fill the need for experience and a little cash in the pocket is always nice, especially if there is a sale on wine. On the plus side I have beat the system, nothing goes better with wine than candle light, what power bill?!
So I decided to hit the pavement to see who would hire this English speaking ball of fury. I found myself in an interesting spot of town, hobo's and all around craziness, and thought, yup, I'm home! I made my way up to a sign that stated "Female Bartender Wanted must be 170cm" and headed in to have a chat with the owner. The interview went like this:
GR - "grab that bottle"
I reached for the top shelf and grabbed down a bottle of Jamesons
GR - "ok, so this is how it goes..."
I was there for about a fifteen minute breakdown of how the bar was run, what I could expect to be making, and any other information he could relay. This is the Cole's Notes version. The actual version was a strung out rant from the owner who's owned bars for nearly two decades, hasn't had a holiday and almost as long and is all around bat shit crazy. I affectionally refer to him as the Gordon Ramsey of the pub industry.
I battled out my first weekend, trying to steer clear of GR or messing up too bad as any wrong move sets him into a crazy fury of swears and screaming and all around verbal abuse. I don't take it personally, as I mentioned this guy is nuts, I'm just thankful for have some cash at the end of the night and dive into a occupation I'm all too familiar with. Clearly I'm not the strongest employee just yet but I have realized what little training there has been is shit and it's only a matter of time before I find my groove. I work with a Czech, a Russian, and an American girl (honey boo boo, the spy, and entitled Ke$ha) and we all seem to have a pretty good thing going on. I think in a few weeks time we can really have this pub thing under wraps and hopefully GR can learn to lighten up before half a bottle of Jim Beam and several beer have been guzzled. I thought I had it rough...
So I decided to hit the pavement to see who would hire this English speaking ball of fury. I found myself in an interesting spot of town, hobo's and all around craziness, and thought, yup, I'm home! I made my way up to a sign that stated "Female Bartender Wanted must be 170cm" and headed in to have a chat with the owner. The interview went like this:
GR - "grab that bottle"
I reached for the top shelf and grabbed down a bottle of Jamesons
GR - "ok, so this is how it goes..."
I was there for about a fifteen minute breakdown of how the bar was run, what I could expect to be making, and any other information he could relay. This is the Cole's Notes version. The actual version was a strung out rant from the owner who's owned bars for nearly two decades, hasn't had a holiday and almost as long and is all around bat shit crazy. I affectionally refer to him as the Gordon Ramsey of the pub industry.
I battled out my first weekend, trying to steer clear of GR or messing up too bad as any wrong move sets him into a crazy fury of swears and screaming and all around verbal abuse. I don't take it personally, as I mentioned this guy is nuts, I'm just thankful for have some cash at the end of the night and dive into a occupation I'm all too familiar with. Clearly I'm not the strongest employee just yet but I have realized what little training there has been is shit and it's only a matter of time before I find my groove. I work with a Czech, a Russian, and an American girl (honey boo boo, the spy, and entitled Ke$ha) and we all seem to have a pretty good thing going on. I think in a few weeks time we can really have this pub thing under wraps and hopefully GR can learn to lighten up before half a bottle of Jim Beam and several beer have been guzzled. I thought I had it rough...
Nike Nightrun Tel Aviv
High on my to do list is to run a marathon. I don't consider myself a runner, I doubt I ever will, but I really enjoy it and I decided what better way to celebrate being healthy and happy but to hit the pavement with several other ambitious individuals.
I must admit, I'm a little discouraged because we have just over 50 minutes to run 10K but with MP's encouragement we are going to cold smoke this one. Training starts NOW! We have also encouraged Hagai, my top dawg out here, to run it with us and he has let me know he's got my back on this one as well. October 30 marks the date and I'm very curious to see how well we all do. I suppose the biggest key to finishing is to stay motivated so I'm sending a request for a topless Ryan Gosling to meet me at the finish line (oddly enough I found this photo when I typed his name into Google, things are looking up!) Have your people call my people.
TLV... and it's only just begun
The first two weeks in Tel Aviv have gone faster than I could have imagined considering MP is back at work and I have the days to myself. Once again things have been non stop and I couldn't be happier to live in such a bustling city.
I have no problem occupying myself during the day with the beach, and all the amazing sights of the city while I eagerly wait for MP to get home so we can hit the gym and get down with some vegan creations in the kitchen. Current addiction: peanut butter and pickle sandwiches.
A recap of what has been going on so far:
Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert: 50,000 in attendance, young and old, they absolutely killed it! We managed to get some friends out for vegan burgers after. Look out we are taking over!
The Time Out Lounge: my absolute favorite spot in the apartment. Our balcony has sliding doors and is filled with candles, incense, hookah, red wine, energy of the street below and a good view of the Barcelona matches so MP can run around like a madman and I can pretend not to notice.
Rosh Hashana - Shana Tova! (happy new year!): it all started with some Super Ducks...classic. Afterwards we met MP's family in Petah Tiqwa for a rooftop diner to celebrate. The night air was perfect and little Shahar and I bonded as we continuously tried to push MP over the balcony to see if he can fly.
Sunset swims: the most exhilarating way to welcome the night. I've seen some amazing sunsets in my life but as you drift in the calm waters glowing bright with the last minutes of the sun and a darkened city is coming to life behind you, it can't be beat.
Yafo: just a few kilometers from our place this seaside town has a European vibe filled with cafe's and what is now referred to as the Shisha Buffet. We went to purchase a Nargila (the term for hookah+Shisha) and found a buffet line of all the flavors you could imagine, the place was bumping as these people really know how to unwind.
Stomping around the neighbourhood: I can't stress the liveliness of where I have decided to rest (or not) my head at night. Slowly I'm learning my way around Ben Yehuda, Allenby, Dizengoffe, King Goerge, and the surrounding area.
Art projects: Now we all know when it comes to talent, especially in sports and art Chris got the gift. However, I got the looks so take that Rook! However, I ain't bovvered and have taken it upon myself to be inspired and find some outlets, what better excuse than a bare minimum (I am a minimalist) apartment to let that freak flag fly. Currently I am working on an abstract piece on our kitchen table and got some canvases and paint today. I'm hoping someone doesn't ask if a child did the paintings, if they do, they most certainly did!
My first Israeli cheque: I volunteered my insides in the name of medicine in exchange for some shekels. Simply put I swallowed a capsule that takes pictures of my stomach and intestine so I could continue to indulge in hummus.
BB's first solo train expedition: made it all the way to Haifa and back in one piece so I could go visit The Stuff for a night and stop by one of my favorite hummus spots. On my way back to Tel Aviv I found myself on the train with a bunch of army kids staring at me. I found it rather odd considering they were all packing heat and all I had was a tattoo and a Honey Badger attitude.
Uri 83: we stumbled upon this hole in the wall on Rothschild one night. We were waiting for another bar to pick up so decided to try and find an exclusive pub elsewhere to have a beer. This place is as exclusive as it gets. Uri, the owner just chills out in his front porch playing music on his computer and you are more than welcome to come have a chat with him or hang out in the other half of the veranda for a little more privacy. I'd say this place holds ten people tops and it all started because he decided to put photos up in his windows because he didn't want to clean them. People just kept coming around and now you can come around for a drink.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Real Housewives of Tivon - Season One
A few weeks ago I was pulled into the office of executive producer of RHT. Though ratings for this season were high it seemed as though we were missing the real "meat" that is reality television. What I'm saying is that there wasn't enough screaming, because that's how you get your point across, various amounts of excessive abuse, drunken glares or alliances with the one woman everyone is terrified of. Nor were there slang terms to catch on like a skin "rash" that goes around a hot tub, or excuses like "I didn't slap her, I high fived her face" being tossed around the Tivon area.
I have been notified that season two will be taking place in Tel Aviv where there is sure to be a lot more "realness" going on. This means, after two months of trying to argue my way out of unpacking my bag...
BB - "well I'm not quite sure where I want to put that yet so I'll leave it in my bag, thank you"
EP of RHT - "I'm sure you're clothes can go in that empty closet"
*sigh* - fine.
I am. But! if this means I can live on the beach, work at a pub, verbally abuse innocent bystanders, and dance until sun up I guess I can unpack, for a little while.
I'm going to miss...
*uninhibited sunbathing on the top deck while listening to LMFAO's - Sexy and I know it.
*Singing 'don't cry for me Argentina' to the neighbors chickens while I hang laundry.
**Gossiping over red wine spritzers with The Stuff about all the other neighborhood bitches.
*My 22 year old neighbor's incessant dance party music that only stops when he sleeps.
*Stomping around the estate pant less shrieking "I want my mint Milano!"
And finally
*being the hottest mess on this side of Haifa.
I said this side!
Xo BB
**Although I have to share MP with The Stuff, we secretly like each other more than we like him. I'm okay with that.
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